|Cee cut all of her (ropes) wrote,|
@ 2015-05-28 01:40:00
|You are so brave and quiet|
I forget you are suffering
Are you 18 or over?: I do believe so!
Alter’s source work, author and character: OC.
Character Journal name: ~ropes
Character Name: Cerise "Cee" Stone.
Character Age: Early 30s.
Character Played By: Sophia Bush.
Character History and Personality:
(Contains warnings: Abuse, drugs, and suicide.)
Las Cruces, New Mexico. The desert gets cold at night. Nobody ever seems to know that when they come through. Maybe thats why they don't ever stick around. The sign says Motel 6 in red, white, and blue. The lights zap and flicker when the semis come rushing through. Mom calls it Home. The kids who pass through laugh when she calls it Home. "Home is somewhere else," they say, but Cerise doesn't remember anywhere else. Other kids only really come in the summer, passing through on their way to some place called Vacation. They tell her about how they're going to go see a giant crack in the Earth. A Canyon, its called. Its a hole that goes all the way down. That sounds terrifying. Cerise curls up in a blanket on the floor while the television pulses static ghosts all along the wall.
"Mom, whats at the bottom? At the bottom of the canyon?"
And her mom rolls her eyes while she touches up her lipstick in a broken Covergirl compact mirror. "Don't ask stupid questions, girl." The door slams closed a few minutes later, and Cerise stays up all night worrying about the things that live in the bottom of the Canyon. Her mom doesn't come home until the next day and the sun's almost down again when she does. Cerise is real hungry, but her mom says that she has to crash and they we will eat later. Cerise knows that 'crash' means Mom will sleep well until the next day and Cerise's stomach aches like something terrible as she watches the families and kids pile up in their station wagons outside the motel room window. She wishes they would take her with them.
Nowhere, Oklahoma. They get run off and head North after Mom gets caught ripping some guys off in a drug deal that involves a motorcycle ride down to Juarez. So gone is the Motel 6, and Home becomes a vinyl sided trailer with a patchwork front porch. Cinder blocks and plywood, a rocking chair parched and splintering in the sun. Plastic flowers stick out of the dirt like the bones rising out of a grave, sad sunbleached petals of satin. There are no trees here, just flat grass. Mom says thats why the tornados come, and Cerise thinks that maybe one will come scoop her up and carry her away. Long gone are the nights spent being scared of the Canyon. Now, Cerise sits at her bedroom window and prays for a Canyon to come, for the Earth to open up, for the ocean to wash her away. But none ever do, and she thinks praying is kids' stuff anyway.
Mom isn't around much. Weeks at a time, gone like the wind, but she's no Scarlett O'Hara, When she comes back, its usually with a boyfriend, and it never ends well. Sometimes they come in Cerise's room at night and pretend she's Mom. She's always glad when they're gone. Cerise doesn't have shoes anymore, and she's never been to school. Her bones are starting to stick out of her skin like those plastic flowers stick out of the thirsty dirt. She wonders about Heaven and angels, and she buries june bugs in the gravel with the sharp end of a stick.
When the man comes, she's on the side of the road picking bluebonnets and prarie fire. His car shines like money, and she can taste the air conditioning that slides out of his open window. It feels like an ice cube on her tongue. He talks sweet like a snake luring her to apples. He says that she looks hungry, and she is. He tells her that he will give her a ride, anywhere she wants to go. She thinks he doesn't look like a canyon or a tornado, but maybe he will take her away.
His name is Ian, and he does.
Hell. Broken, devoured, spit out, branded and bloody and somebody else. Rituals in the dark, masked orgies, drugs, and death. Ian sees that she kills for him, suffers for him. Fifteen, and her glassy eyes don't blink until the boy comes. She wakes up one day and he is there, Sidney Wallace. Just as young, just as lost. Claws deep in their skin, hands around their necks, and they curl up in the dark together like eyes closed, hold on tight could make the Devil gentler. Sidney stays with her in the horror for years, and when he vanishes, she's sent to find him. The Devil says that there is no escape, that he will cradle them like children and burn all of the exits down. Ian destroys Sidney's future, his happiness, his family... and Cee can't shake her leash as much as she can't shake her love for the boy.
Leon, Nicaragua. But when the boy asks her to run, she does. Together she thinks they can do anything. She turns her back on the Devil and runs, but addiction keeps up with her all the way. Too long with a needle in her arm, and the boy is just as sick as her with the need to be numb. The drugs are cheap as dirt down here. The two of them make quick money with guns and knives. At night, its just the two of them. He holds her so tight that she believes he'll never let go... but he does. Seven years of botched Spanish and black tar heroin... then like that, he's gone again. He leaves her naked and alone in a sad little shack that faces a long dirt road. She decides to forget him, to forget everything, to start over. Keep it simple and grow some fucking mangos maybe. But nothing is simple, and the Devil is standing at her door in three days time.
Seattle, Washington. Seattle is gray and so is she. Gray and wannabe-dead, she has a hole in her heart where nothing grows. Ian tells her to track Sid there, and she does like she's told because she doesn't know how to do anything else. There's blood on her hands and ghosts at her back, nightmares every time she closes her eyes. Every word wants to be a scream, but she won't let it. And its so fucked up that the only one who gives a damn about her is the Devil. He pets her hair like nothing bad ever happened to her, he tells her how much he loves her, he tells her that she's like a daughter to him. Its fucked, and she knows it, but she wants to believe it so bad. There is no way out and people are dying all around her, everything is going up in flames. The blood on her hands won't rinse away, and she ends up getting shot. She doesn't remember how, but she wakes up in the hospital. Jack is the one who stays with her, who takes her with him away from there. They tell her that Ian is dead, so there is nothing to hold onto. They drive away from the blood and the smoke, and they start new lives.
Las Vegas, Nevada. Everything is an illusion. She loves Jack so much, but he only cares about his pain. She loves Sid so much, but he only cares about revenge. She can't help either of them, and she can't stay clean. She tries to start over with Sid, but he just can't let it go. He kills himself in front of her, and she screams until there is nothing left inside of her. She wants to be numb again, but takes his orphaned daughter instead. She gets clean instead. She moves on instead.
Hell's Kitchen, New York. Four years later with the help of some back and forth through the doors, and here she is. No criminal history this time around, homicide detective, raising a little girl that looks nothing like her. Zoe. Something to live for, at last. A little blond reason to forgive herself for every misplaced step along the way. A reason to do it right this time.
Journal/Key: The journal is a mess of paper, and the key is ominous.
Sorry I tried to kill you, I was having a bad day: compromised (Others: Cerise used to run with very bad people, she may have tried to kill you)
I've got friends in the Devil: People known through her days with Ian. Cult-involved.
NYPD: Fellow policemen and women.
Playdates: Fellow parents.